From the Blog

Sep
27

Sylvia and I dragged a handful of ImprovBoston folks out to the Cantab Lounge on Friday to dance to The Fatback Band playing some old funk, soul and R&B classics. You can see these gents any given Friday. You’ll have seen them there at least once on any weekend for the last decade or more. I call them “my three chemistry professors,” and if you saw them on the street without instruments you would know what I meant, but get them on stage and they put it on the plate just for you.

“How’s everyone doing in the historic Cantab Lounge tonight?” the lead singer asked at one point. And we all cheered. Why wouldn’t we? We were here to see them, or at least here to listen to the music they provided. I don’t really perform these days, but I know the high you get from lights in your face and an audience who paid for your product.

I wonder about that life. Is it all the same: one weekend flowing into the next, anonymous crowds sweating inches from your elbow as you lay into the bass riff for the bridge for Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes’ “The Love I Lost”? Or is every crowd and set list different: a new opportunity to make a couple’s night memorable? We like to think of art as magical, the product of inspiration, but pros know how much of art is work. You show up every day, put in your hours and master the chords. Audiences react to a spectacle, but they follow reliability. Hey, let’s go see these guys; they’re always fun.

My man Brett posted the video for dance floor classic “Da Dip” the other day, which took me back fifteen years.

It reminded me, as anything fifteen years old would, of high school. Going to high school mixers in Baltimore County, putting your hands on a girl’s hips and freakin’ her from behind was not only acceptable, it was a legitimate way of introducing yourself. Not exaggerating. Girls would come to our high school mixers and dance in knots. Guys would circle around them. If a guy wanted a piece of that, just take that fruit off the vine, son!

I was quickly dissuaded of this practice when I came up to Boston for school. Not to imply that I was smoother with women in high school than I was in college. Quite the contrary. It takes far more confidence to ask a girl about herself, say something that’ll make her laugh, and entice her into learning more about you. Latching onto her belt like a remora and working your white boy excuse for a groove? That’s some punk shit. But you can get away with it in high school, college, every dance club in the Western hemisphere and most large weddings.

What strikes me in retrospect is how the girls must have felt. You’re dancing in a circle with your friends, having a good time, and some strange boy puts his hands on you and presses against you from behind. And you just sorta go with it. Because what else are you going to do? Make a scene? Stay home on a Friday? I don’t know if the girl was supposed to enjoy it, or if she was making faces at her friends across the circle, or if she just had a vacant stare. I never would have found out, either, as I didn’t look the girls in the eye.

I tell myself I don’t like swing dancing. “I don’t like swing dancing,” I told myself, Sylvia and several other people on Tuesday. This was at the Yelp Elite event in Charles Square near Harvard.

It’s not that I don’t like dancing. I love dancing. Ask anyone who’s seen me at a wedding, or in a club, or driving in the car when my jam comes on. I just don’t like dancing with rules. I feel the same way about line dancing, Irish step and polka. Fuck you for telling me when I get to stomp. I’ll stomp when I damn well want to.

But I can’t hear a tune and not dance, so I ended up in the center of the floor against all sense and reason. “I keep dropping the beat,” I said, stumbling back into the one, two, rock-step rhythm. “I can’t hear a 4/4 song and dance in 3/4 time.”

“You’re thinking about it too much,” Sylvia said.

“That’s what I do,” I said.

But the free booze and support of my friends helped. I turned a corner with Yelp this year. Now I can show up at an event and point to half a dozen people I can count as friends. Plus, Yelp events are always a good source of cocktails and flaky, cheesy hors d’oeuvres. Everything a growing boy needs.

BIMA‘s biggest event is their annual summer cruise, a jaunt around Boston’s harbor. BIMA also holds a Christmas gala, but the turnout’s not quite as good: it’s harder to coordinate people around the holidays. Everyone shows up for the good weather and free booze, though.

My coworkers suggested we walk from Copley Square to the harbor. I gently reminded them that it was 90 degrees out, even at five in the afternoon, but didn’t want to be the sole veto. Another half hour found us staggering down Sleeper Street in South Boston. I had pushed myself pretty hard in yoga that afternoon, stretching my hamstrings to the breaking point, and was suffering the aftermath. My feet went numb. At one point I found myself listing to the left while on dry land. Thankfully there was no line to register, so we got aboard the boat with no waiting. I ordered a gin and tonic, my preferred summer drink, and basked in the air-conditioning. Waiters came by with scallions wrapped in bacon, miniature quesadillas and trial-size spanikopita. I took double handfuls of everything.

No one drinks like young professionals, except perhaps Irish mourners, and the party hit its stride an hour before docking. I wheedled a few coworkers onto the dance floor and worked my groove to some top 40 hits (plus Tribe Called Quest, to my surprise). I wasn’t the center of attention, though. That honor fell to a sweating gentleman in a button down shirt and shades (indoors, after sundown), working his magic on every woman within sniffing distance. He popped and locked. He got low. At one point he made it rain with a shower of business cards. I scooped one up, noting the (unknown) wireless ad exchange of which he was a VP of sales.

“Why aren’t you out there working it?” a coworker asked later.

“Because I might want one of these people to hire me someday,” I said.


  • When Misch and I found Barrio Central, a Mexican-themed pub in Soho, we spent the night there dancing with strangers. Late in the evening I flagged the bartender down with a fiver. “I’m from the States,” I explained. “What would you recommend that’s local to Europe?”

    The bartender produced two bottles. “This is Vedett,” he said of the one. “It’s a good blonde Belgian ale. And this is a beer you can’t get in the States: it’s Cuban. It’s got a …” But I was already grabbing the second bottle, throwing money at him and waving at him to stop talking. The verdict on a Palma Cristal – very tasty! And a compelling argument against lifting U.S. sanctions (take that, Mary Anastasia O’Grady).

  • Misch and I spent our last night in London dancing until exhaustion at Opal, an understated club near the Victoria Embankment. As I say in the review, it was just what I wanted: fun young people, nobody starting fights or being skeevy, good music, big crowds. I danced near the DJ booth most of the evening and made a request at one point, holding up my iPod tuned to Notorious B.I.G.’s “Hypnotize.” The DJ shook his head. “Too hip-hop,” he explained. That’s how you know you’re in a London club. I cannot imagine an “80s, 90s and pop hits” dance night in the States that would consider Biggie (a/k/a Biggie Smalls, the Commissioner, Frank White, etc) unsuitable for the playlist.

  • London has its own currency! Well, look at that. The hardest thing to get used to in London was sorting through coins. I could have a huge pile of change jingling in my back pocket that was equally likely to be 85p or £3.25. And they’re not quite ranked by size. It got me thinking about how early schools start you learning on what each coin denomination means. Quarters (25c) are the biggest ones, but dimes (10c) are the smallest, with nickels (5c) between them in size. That gets drilled into a child’s head from an early age. Without that educational advantage, you’re left standing in front of the clerk at Boots, fumbling through oddly shaped coins for the 75p you need for a bottle of water. For years I snickered when I heard anarchists railing against institutional education, “training kids to be consumers, ma-a-an.”

  • Though I like traveling alone, as my trip to Iceland indicated, there’s something to be said for having a companion. Misch was a second set of eyes, spotting restaurants and tourist attractions I might have otherwise missed. She was also a source of good ideas and a sounding board for mine. We spent enough time apart that we weren’t about to kill each other, but still checked in. Maybe there’s something to be said for this “human contact” nonsense after all.

  • You can tell a lot about a city by what sort of posters go up in its subways. London had ads for books and Broadway shows where most cities would have ads for movies and pop artists. I wouldn’t take this to mean that London’s a more literate city than Boston; rather, it means London wants to appear that way. Or whoever sells advertising space on the Tube does. Also noted: plenty of PSAs advising people to watch out for pickpockets, and warnings that assaults on Tube personnel would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I wonder at the sort of city where the latter needs to be spelled out.

  • I’d been suffering a great deal of wanderlust prior to this trip. I had some deep dissatisfaction with the status quo that I thought touring Europe on foot would soothe. Seeing London slaked my thirst. Maybe it’s because my writing’s started coming together and I wanted to get back to my novel in the States. Or it could have been the realization that I don’t make friends easily: not with the same guileless eagerness that Misch does. That would make traveling difficult: wrapping myself in a cocoon of foreign whiteness and not really interacting with the world.

    Or perhaps it was the giant, sloshing blister that formed on the outside of my left big toe. That’s as strong an argument for settling down as I’ve ever seen.

Mar
23
Posted by Professor Coldheart at 7:00 am

Dave and I had dinner at Wolfgang Puck’s Bar and Grill in the MGM. I had a prosciutto and goat cheese pizza on flatbread. We were getting on well with our waitress so I asked her for a recommendation. “This may shock you, but we’re tourists,” I began. I asked her which bars or clubs she’d recommend on the Strip, as a local. As a local, she replied, she wouldn’t go to any of the clubs on the Strip. But the two bars in New York New York – the Bar in Times Square (which we’d visited) and Nine Fine Irishmen – were fun places to get a pint. We thanked her for the advice.

For a Vegas bar pretending to be an Irish pub in New York City, Nine Fine Irishmen does all right. The man next to me ordered a Guinness; I checked with him on its quality. “It’s all right,” he said with a sage nod. I ordered one myself and validated his judgment: I’d say about a seven out of ten. Better than most bars can manage, but not as good as the best you can find in Boston. We stuck around long enough to watch a Celtic rock band play a few numbers and chat up some of the tourists.

nine-fine-irishmen

I had talked Dave and I onto the guest list at Tabu, a privilege which would expire around midnight. So we left New York New York at 11:30 and sidled to the front of the line, brushing past the texting tourists. “This is the Vegas experience I was looking for,” Dave observed. Once inside, Tabu proved to be a typical nightclub scene – dim lights, deafening music, suspicious guy/girl ratio – albeit with the added liberty that Vegas induces. I kept the floor warm until I could coax Dave into partying, whereupon we found a cluster of girls to dance with until 3:00 AM Pacific time. We let them go then (they had to catch a flight in three hours) and retired soon thereafter.

I can no longer stay up past 2:00 AM two nights in a row.

I tried this weekend: dancing at Common Ground on Friday with Sylvia, Joanna’s roommate, Rachel and Caitlin’s friend Andrea. I also went out on Saturday when Megan and Amy put out a call for Phoenix Landing. The result: twinges in my lower back as I hunched over the sink the next morning. No spasms (yet). Just the quiet reminder that my body needed time to repair.

I can no longer eat whatever I want whenever I want.

Breakfast on Saturday was a Dunkin Donuts sausage egg and cheese sandwich. Lunch was four slices of pepperoni pizza with some Diet Pepsi. Dinner was a spinach and cheese quesadilla (from Pemberton Farms, home of healthy food, in fairness). Breakfast on Sunday was a post-jiu-jitsu protein shake from the Watertown BSC. Lunch was a grilled cheese with tomato and a side of fries at the Brighton Cafe with Provocateur‘s own Matthew. Dinner was a burger at Lucky’s in Southie, followed by two stiff cocktails at Drink with Rachel V. The result: toxic heartburn.

Add to that a sexy rasping cough from allergies, and I’m a bent old man.

I wouldn’t have it any other way, though. Not strictly true – if I could choose to magically stay healthier and see my friends in one weekend, I would. But that’s not an option. So I suffer a little so that I can jump and scream to “Flagpole Sitta” at 90s Night. So that I can rap “Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems” with a total stranger in Cambridge. So that my friend Aaron can elaborate on the differences between Old Fitzgerald and Maker’s Mark while pouring me a vieux carre in Drink on a quiet evening.

All this talk about living passionately, cramming a life full of promise, carpe diem and that shit? Time to start taking it seriously.

Mar
30
Posted by Professor Coldheart at 7:00 am

1. “I went to The Pill for the first time.”

“How was it?”

“It’s great. It’s a new wave / indie pop dance night. Good crowd; hipsters, but less intense.”

“Less intense?”

“Yeah, dialed up only to about a 3. Not trying as hard to not try as hard, if that makes any sense.”

2. I had the above conversation with Rachel V. at Copperfield’s Down Under, a basement bar and music venue near Fenway attached to the well-known Red Sox boozer. We were there (along with Vickie and RJ) to see Bonus Round, a cover band fronted by a coworker of mine. They played all night to a bar packed to capacity and covered both Concrete Blonde and K’s Choice, and if you need me to say than that I can’t say enough. I’ll be seeing them again.

3. There is no #3.

Mar
18
Posted by Professor Coldheart at 6:00 am

General impressions of Reykjavik:

  • More Like NIceland: Everyone I met in Reykjavik was cordial. Not quite friendly and outgoing, the way you’d get in the American South, but civil and helpful. Mix a laidback eagerness to please with the inherent stoicism that comes from any cold-weather climate, and you get an Icelander. I stumbled stepping off a curb and a complete stranger asked, “You okay?” The cute blonde at the coffee shop rattled off a list of suggestions when I asked for a good place to go dancing. One in three cars I saw on the street had all its doors unlocked. And everyone speaks English.

    At least once a day.  Every day.  Just like this.

    At least once a day. Every day. Just like this.

  • Weather: Every day, you’d get 45 to 90 minutes worth of blizzard. Then the sun would come out. Then it would rain – sometimes light spitting, sometimes a steady downpour. Then overcast. Then sun. Then, perhaps, more snow. You get odd little patterns like these when you live between the North Atlantic and the world’s quota of glaciers.

  • Food. Pricey. Everything on Iceland other than fish, lamb, hot water and light beer needs to be imported. Since I didn’t fly three thousand miles to experience Reykjavik’s notion of a cheeseburger, I ate seafood for most meals. Lunch on Saturday was fish and chips, and the fish had that sinus-filling freshness that suggested they’d been in the sea the other day. Saturday dinner: plokkfiskur at a restaurant called Boston – a fish “stew” that’s served like a plate of mashed potatoes.

    I asked the waitress at Cafe Paris what the fish of the day was for lunch on Sunday. She looked up for a moment, searching for words in her head. “Hot dog,” she replied, in the heaviest accent I heard that weekend.

    “No, sorry – the fish of the day.”

    She nodded, turning to double-check on the chalkboard at the front of the restaurant. I followed her gaze. “Had-dock” was, indeed, the fish of the day.

    Iceland just can't get enough of these above-average hot dogs.

    Iceland just can't get enough of these above-average hot dogs.

  • Actual Hot Dog: Apparently, hot dogs (or pylsur) are a big deal in Iceland. I saw the longest line that I saw for any establishment – including the nightclubs I visited on Saturday – outside a one-man hot dog stand on the Reykjavik harbor. In the snow. The hot dogs taste pretty good, but the toppings make the difference. Icelanders order their pylsi with a creamy remoulade. You wouldn’t think a hot dog lacked for something sweet but it really ties the package together.

  • Beer: If you want to drink the local brew, know these three brands: Viking (like Budweiser, but with flavor instead of water); Gull (a bit hoppy for my taste but still solid) and Thule (which I didn’t try). These are all golden-colored lagers with hearty taste. You can also find Guinness on tap nearly everywhere.

    Apotek before things heated up.

    Apotek before things heated up.

    Clubs: As with other cities in Europe, the nightclub scene in Reykjavik doesn’t really start until midnight, and doesn’t really start until 2:00 AM or so. I ended up killing a lot of hours in coffeeshops until the night scene picked up. Though you have your choice of fine dancing establishments, I bounced between Cafe Paris and Apotek from midnight onward.

    In Apotek, a stringy-haired elf of a man snatched a scarf off a girl and taunted her with it as she tried to grab it back. She called the bouncer, who remonstrated with the guy until finally tossing him out. The miscreant dragged his weight, clinging to a railing in the end to keep from being thrown outside.

    This didn’t kill my mood, though. I danced until 4:00 AM, hopping on a bench with a bunch of strangers to lord my gangly might over the crowd. This being Europe, I recognized almost none of the songs. That never hurt me, though.

Mar
06
Posted by Professor Coldheart at 7:00 am

A friend (whom I won’t embarrass by linking to, unless she says it’s cool) requested a list of bad-ass strip tease songs. Realizing that there are several different types of strip teases, I reeled off the following:

“Start Me Up” – Rolling Stones. Good for high-energy shows. A Sarah-Katherine Lewis favorite!

“Gimme Shelter” – Rolling Stones. For mysterious shows with a lot of scarves and veils and the like.

“Honky-Tonk Women” – Rolling Stones. A reliable stand-by.

“Brown Sugar” – Rolling Stones. Has a very teasing tone to it; good for when you want to lead the person on a bit.

At this point I realized I had, without intending to, picked four Rolling Stones songs in a row. In fact, you could probably compose a good strip-tease playlist entirely of Rolling Stones songs.

Seriously. It just keeps going.

“(Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” – Also good for teasing someone. The alternation between the whispered verses and the shouted chorus lets you change tempo really easily. And the lyrical content makes it obvious.

“Time Is On My Side” – Last song before closing, when it’s only three customers and one dancer in the bar.

“Paint it, Black” – Not quite whips-and-chains material, but I picture a very salsa-esque dance with a lot of flounces and maybe a bullwhip. Like Salma Hayek in From Dusk ‘Till Dawn.

“Street Fighting Man” – Good for a birthday boy or the bachelor the night before a wedding. Lavish attention on him; make him feel tough.

“Tumbling Dice” – Sassy but upbeat. Do this with a big grin on your face and a lot of pole-work.

“It’s Only Rock ‘n Roll (But I Like It)” – As with “Satisfaction,” the alternation between steady verses and screamed chorus makes this ideal.

But it’s not universal. There are quite a few Stones songs that would send mixed signals.

“Ruby Tuesday” – Real tough beat to do anything with.

“You Can’t Always Get What You Want” – Just throws the look-but-don’t-touch strictures right in the customer’s face. Plus, as High Fidelity so aptly observed, the connection with The Big Chill disqualifies this song almost immediately.

“Heartbreaker (Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo)” – Got a real sexy rhythm, but it’s all about cops shooting civilians and kids dying in the Struggle. Oh, yeah. That brings out the tips.

“She’s So Cold” – Of course, the stripper isn’t actually enthralled at your barely-concealed erection. We know she’s faking it. But why remind everyone?

“Let’s Spend The Night Together” – Someone’s going to take this literally and rush the stage. You know they are.

“Can’t You Hear Me Knocking?” – Real dirty, sultry blues make it perfect to start, but then what do you do for the 3-minute jam session at the end? Stand up there and twirl?

And then there are some that you would not want to use at all. You would crash and burn miserably. Things would end in tears and gunshots:

“Angie”
“Mother’s Little Helper”
“Wild Horses”
“Have You Seen Your Mother, Baby?”

So, clearly, you need to choose with care.