Periscope Depth

I’ve got a thick tongue, brimming with the words that go unsung

I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but:

When idiots like Adam Carolla or Christopher Hitchens say “women aren’t funny,” they say it as if they’re ending an argument. They’re speaking from the mountaintop. In reality, they’re starting an argument, not ending one, because nobody thought women weren’t funny until idiots started saying it. People laughed at women for thousands of years – probably the entirety of human history – and thought nothing of it.

And the problem with the argument that these idiots are trying to start is that it fails to meet the basic criteria for an argument. It avoids, with the blithe ignorance of Wile E. Coyote running off a cliff, the glaring empirical evidence against it. If women aren’t funny, then why is it I find female stand-ups hilarious? What, am I laughing at their tits?

Unspoken in the assertion of these idiots is the idea that Kristen Wiig and Roseanne Barr and the like owe their jobs not to their merits but to, y’know, feminism. That some exec gave them a job, and some writer invited them to a brainstorming session, and tens of thousands of people watch them every week, because of a quota. And that argument has just enough merit to be engaged in any other venue. People assert, for instance, that liberal males are only into feminism because it helps them score with women. If you live in Brooklyn, San Francisco or Boston, that certainly seems plausible.

But nobody laughs as a posture. Not a gut-busting, eye-watering, copy it, paste it, put it in a GIF, repeat it to your friends at work the next day, helpless laugh. Nobody fakes that. I’m sure that, if you’re an embittered male who feels threatened by women, you believe that there’s a conspiracy working to promote women beyond what they deserve (as opposed to the meritocracy that held true for the last ten thousand years). But to believe that this conspiracy filters down to the biological level – that fellow-traveler males are not just saying women are funny, but actually laughing at their jokes, as a front – is deranged.

If it were so obvious that women weren’t funny, no one would have to assert it. It’s never a mystery whether someone is funny or not. But there’s a breed of idiot who thinks asserting ideas that fifteen minutes in a comedy club could contradict is bold. Or edgy. They stand athwart history, yelling “Tits.” We can comfort ourselves that, if the decline from Vanity Fair to the New York Post is any indication, they’re getting crappier platforms.

(P.S. Sorry this post isn’t very funny; I’m leaving that for the ladies)

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