Periscope Depth

when you reach the part where the heartache’s gone

Someone put a leash on the journalism majors at Boston Magazine:

CHATHAM BARS INN

If Fitzgerald had created Jay Gatsby today, he might have installed his protagonist at the Chatham Bars Inn. The 1914 hotel’s foyer alone, with its polished floors and columns, is irreproachably classy.

Because if I run a B&B on Cape Cod, I want customers to associate it with manic-depressive bootleggers. “Want to bask in the tepid warmth of opulence while seeking the romance of lost youth? Visit our renowned spa!”

I wonder how the author’s other reviews read.

GIACOMO’S
If Little Caesar had been made today, Edward G. Robinson might have been murdered outside this fabulous North End ristorante.

TREPHIN SALON
Norma Desmond might have made it back into show business after a blowout and bayalage from Nate Prescott.

FINALE
Pick up some sweets for the Nora Helmer in your life from this Harvard Square chocolatier.

TUPELO
Don’t go in the ocean, Ms Pontellier … until you’ve tried this authentic fried catfish and N’awrlins gumbo! And even then you’ll want to wait about 45 minutes.

BOB’S DISCOUNT FURNITURE
If you buy a new mattress before checking the prices at Bob’s, you will gouge your eyes out, have sex with your mother and solve the riddle of the Sphinx (maybe not in that order).