Periscope Depth

it’s not that it’s my fault, it’s just my style

Maybe if I beam this post into space, it’ll accelerate around the curve of the universe and travel back in time, returning to earth so my 16-year-old self can read it. Then again, if I knew this at age 16, I’d be in a different place today, and wouldn’t feel the need to send this into the past. So either it’ll never happen or it’s always already happened. Time paradox!

Anyhow, I’ve been saving up this series of posts for when I had my love life squared away. I saved them so that people I’d dated recently didn’t think I was talking about them. I’m not being passive aggressive, ladies; that’s not my style.

So here we go:

Just because a girl smiles at you doesn’t mean she wants to talk to you. Maybe she’s just being friendly.
Just because a girl talks with you doesn’t mean she wants to go out with you. Maybe she’s just making conversation.
Just because a girl goes out with you doesn’t mean she wants to kiss you. Maybe she’s just filling a quiet evening.
Just because a girl kisses you doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with you. Kissing is fun; fucking takes logistics.
Just because a girl sleeps with you doesn’t mean she wants to be your girlfriend. There’s fucking someone, then there’s wandering the cobbled streets on a Sunday afternoon with your hand in theirs, and you might not be qualified for the latter.
Just because someone wants to be your girlfriend doesn’t mean you’re going to marry them. Every relationship in your life will end in death or heartbreak. Don’t keep waiting for the credits to roll.

All of the above looks obvious, but it’s easy to forget. It’s easy for a lonely guy to fill his head with bitter expectation. He’ll accuse a girl of “leading him on” because she went to one step but not the next one. And the further down the ladder he gets, the worse language he uses. Once a guy gets experience and empathy, however, he’ll realize that women are people, too, and that they have their own agendas, and that agenda may not include “getting you off.”

For me, having that realization is when dating became more fun. It’s not that hard to pick up drunk girls in bars (harder than cooking dinner; not as hard as a job interview). I don’t know how the PUA ghetto turned it into a virtue. But finding a girl whose drives mesh with yours, who has interests and quirks that surprise you and has great chemistry with you to boot? That’s a rush. It feels like you’ve discovered a new country that’s right next door to your own.

But the first step toward that mature attitude toward women is to realize that just because she smiled at you doesn’t mean she wants to talk.

(Part two, on why you need to be yourself to attract women, here)

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