Periscope Depth

pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by

For this week’s Friday Feedback, I want Songs That Tire You After The First Forty-Five Seconds:

My top picks:

Enter Sandman – Metallica. That mildly dissonant riff, followed by the pounding drums after a few measures, really ramps up my adrenaline. Then the song becomes, well, the foundation of every metal song for the next 20 years, and I lose interest. Bonus points: James Hetfield may be a cool motherfucker, but in this video he’s everything that’s wrong with the 80s. “Say a prayer / just for once / or I’ll tow your truck / from the Arby’s parking lotttttt-TA!”


Sweet Child of Mine – Guns ‘n Roses. Really? Can you get that excited to hear Axl Rose sing? Really? Admit it – this song coasts off of enthusiasm after Slash rocks us all the way out in the first minute. It never really reaches those heights again until the “Where do we go-wo” part near the end.


Hot’lanta – Allman Brothers Band. Starts off really strong, then descends into the unidentifiable mish-mash of every jam session. Better than the Grateful Dead, at least.


Now that I’ve made my half-assed attempts at music criticism, I’d like to hear yours. What songs never live up to the promise of their first few seconds? List a song that’s not even worth downloading off iTunes so long as there’s a free sample. Take your shot.

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